Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
