you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
