I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
