I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
