I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
