All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
