the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
