I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
