She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
