and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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