i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
