woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
