well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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