There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize