My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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