"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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