somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
