Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
