do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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