I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
