It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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