Cold hands, warm shart.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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