oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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