Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
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