those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
