i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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