What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
