cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
