Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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