i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
