Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
