fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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