forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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