OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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