But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
my shit smells like andre
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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