Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
3 2 1 whiskey
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
