She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
