we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
