Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
