we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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