My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
love makes seman taste better
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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