And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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