shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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