What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
