I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
