Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
