so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
