I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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