She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
