cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
