I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
