Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My vagina is very pro this idea
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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