I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
