Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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