i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
