The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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