i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
