So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
