he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
