How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize