Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
