i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
