I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
