Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize