If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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