You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
