so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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