So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
