I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Randomize
