I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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