What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize